Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I usually hate doing sappy posts, but I thought it might be fitting to list 10 things I’m thankful for this year. So here they are in no particular order, of course:

1. My family because they’re the best.
2. My friends because they’re like family.
3. My dog because she’s the coolest.
4. My books because the characters are like old friends.
5. My education because eventually, it will help me get a good job. Eventually.
6. My students because they continually make me go the distance and teach me more than I could ever teach them.

7. My coworkers because they keep me sane.

8. The seventh Harry Potter book because I finally know what happens!

9. Gluuteny’s gluten-free chocolate chip cookies because, wow, I can finally eat chocolate chip cookies again.

10. My bed because, even though I don’t get to spend nearly enough time there, it is always warm and welcoming.

So there you have it. What are you thankful for this year?

No Title Is Good Enough

This morning, I was witness to the most bizarre thing ever.  Hear that?  Ever.  I went to work at B&N this morning and got there at about 6:45am.  Yes, it’s early, but whatever.  When I got to the parking lot, I was greeted with the sight of many cars and people of all sizes and ages toting mylar balloons in the shape of stars and hearts.  My first thought was WTF??!!   My second thought followed along those lines.  When my manager came to let me in, she asked one of the people what they were doing.

Manager: “Hey, what are you guys doing out here this early?”

Female Participant: “We’re making Noah’s Ark out of balloons.”

Manager: “Oh……um, why?”

Female Participant: “For God.”

Manager: “So, uh, who are you planning on showing this to?”

Female Participant: “Nobody.”

My manager decided to run inside and lock the door then.  Smart move.  The creepiest thing is that ten minutes later, there was no sign that anyone had even been there.  They didn’t even release the balloons.  They just made Noah’s Ark, packed up the balloons and kids, and left.  All in under 15 minutes.  Why?  I haven’t the slightest idea.

God, protect me from you followers.  They are scary and get up way too early.

You’ve Been TiVoed

How to tell if TiVo has ruined you:

Step 1:  Look out your bedroom window and see a girl walking down the street.

Step 2:  Watch the girl trip and fall on her ass.

Step 3:  Laugh hard.

Step 4:  Grab your TiVo remote and try to rewind to watch the girl fall again.

Step 5:  Realize how far you’ve fallen.

The saddest thing about this?  It’s not the first time I did it.

Worth Her Weight in Kibble

Lucie is a good, good dog.  Yesterday, she picked up a guy for me.  Good doggie.  His name is Matt, and he mountain bikes back in the woods where I walk Lucie.  Apparently, he was impressed by the way she’s trained to step off the path and sit when bikers come by.  At least, that was his excuse for stopping.  And he’s cute.  Really cute.  Not to mention, he got Lucie’s approval.  She has good taste in men.  My uncle says if I get three dates out of this, he’s buying Lucie a huge box of bones.  I’m holding him to that.  Who knew Lucie was such a good retriever?

Happy Harry Potter Day!!!

I can’t believe it’s finally here. I’ve been waiting for this day for 10 years, since I first picked up Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. This is a series that has literally changed my life. I did my Master’s thesis on it. I’ve been to the UK for a Harry Potter conference where I had the pleasure to present a paper and meet other HP scholars from all over the world. I can’t believe it’s about to end.

I really feel like it’s Christmas Eve. I have the same excitement as I did as a kid waiting up for Santa to come. Only this time, it’s JK Rowling who’s giving me the present. As you know, I work in a bookstore. We now have 2400 (yes you read that right) copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in the store. It is literally a giant pyramid of Potter. And yes, I’ve been climbing on it all week. I’m not the only one either. One of my managers climbed up with me. I would have taken pictures, but it’s illegal and I could get fired. Yeah. I like my job too much for that.

Tonight is the big party. We’re expecting between 800-1500 people. Once again, yes you read that right. If half the people who preordered books show up, we should have about 800 in the store. Too bad our maximum capacity is only 900. We’ll see what happens. I’m just so excited. I can’t wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For posterity, here’s my predictions about the book before I read it. We’ll see how right (or wrong) I am tomorrow. Don’t worry, I won’t post it. Nobody should be allowed to spoil the end of this book. May the ones who do rot in the Deathly Hallows. Anyway, I believe that Voldemort will die. I mean, come on! He has to. Harry has a 50/50 survival rate. I’ve been wavering back and forth on this for years. I really can’t tell. I think Snape will probably die a martyr’s death. He will ultimately end up being on the side of the Order. Ron has a chance of getting it because of being so close to Harry. Same with Ginny. Neville may be going down because of his association with the prophecy. I think he will play a very important role in the end. Anyhow, these are just guesses. We shall soon see!

Happy Potter Day everyone!!

An Open Letter

Dear Sinuses,

For the last few months, you have been making my life miserable. I must now ask that you cease and desist snot production immediately. No more will I tolerate going to bed and waking up with my nose jammed full, eyes running, and ears itching. No more will I be forced to awaken many times during the night to blow my nose. If this order is not followed, I will be forced to take drastic action. Already I have had to switch allergy medicines, since you and your cohorts (Mr. Mold and Senor Pollen) seem to be so well able to ignore Allegra and Sudafed. Hopefully, Singulair will be able to break up your organized crime ring. If not, I will be researching surgical removal.

Sincerely,

Kimmi-San

More joys of being a bookseller

Ok, just a quick warning.  This post is going to make me look like a huge book snob.  Which I am, at least most of the time.  It’s not that I don’t believe everyone should have access to books, it’s just that there are some people who have absolutely no business being in a bookstore.  Period.  Take, for example, my customer from Tuesday night.

Bleached-blond Vacant Woman: “Do you have that book Secrets?”

Me (knowing she meant The Secret): “Sure.  It’s right over here.”

B-B.V.W (after I handed her the book): “Oh good!  It’s little.  I’ll actually be able to read this one!”

Me: *blank stare*

After B-B.V.W left with her equally vacant teenage daughter, a coworker and I were joking about her.  He asked if I’d shown her the DVD of The Secret.  I said I’d been so stunned by “I’ll actually be able to read this one!” that it hadn’t even crossed my mind.

Fast foward two hours.

I’m cashiering.  B-B.V.W. comes back.  She now wants to return the book because she found out we sell the DVD of The Secret.

B-B.V.W.: “I gonna get the DVD because I can watch it tonight and be done with it!”

Me: *another blank stare*

Like I said, some people just don’t belong in bookstores.

Things that make you go…huh??

Today I went for a check up with my doctor.  I needed a new allergy medicine (now that Allegra has stopped doing its job for my nose) and a TB test.  No, I haven’t been jet setting off to Paris lately, it’s just that I need the test for student teaching.  Anyway, when I was being given the test, my doctor told me that he assumed that I would test negative.  However, on the off chance that I didn’t, “It would be in your best interest to get a chest x-ray before the TB eats your lung off.”   Thanks.  When I go screaming into his office that “I have TB!!  I have TB!!” in 48 hours, you’ll know why.

P.S.  The reason I haven’t been blogging much lately is because my great uncle has been in the hospital.  He isn’t doing well.  The man’s 94, has congestive heart failure, pneumonia, and a fractured back.  Yet, he’s still more active than I am on any given Saturday.  He is He-Man.  Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.  I appreciate it.

The Joys of Being a Bookseller

Whew! This week was another crazy busy one. I keep thinking things are going to settle down, but so far, no such luck. Wednesday was my birthday. Thank you one and all for your birthday greetings! I ended up having to work on my birthday, which happens more often than not. My birthday tends to sneak up on me, and I always forget to request off. Oh well. I ended up having a lot of fun at work. This could be because I told everyone that they had to be nice to me or else the Birthday Fairy would smite them. One of the cool things about this job is how nice all of my coworkers are. Everyone genuinely likes each other, which makes dealing with the customers bearable. On Wednesday, I got to work in a good mood because it was my birthday. What got us all wild was the phone call James got about midway through my shift. This is how he described the call:

James: “Thank you for calling BN. This is James. How can I help you today?”

Caller: (in a rather perturbed voice) “Do you know when laser printing started??”

James: “um….what?”

Caller: (in an even more angry voice) ” Do you know when laser printing started??”

James: “No, not really.”

Caller: “Don’t you work in a bookstore??!!”

This went on for several minutes. Apparently, this guy had gotten two identical books out of the library. The only difference was that one was laser printed and one was not. For whatever reason, this seriously irked his taters. By now, everyone was at the service desk listening to James. Finally, to get rid of this guy, James said, in the most dead serious voice, “Sir, I share your righteous indignation!” Then the guy hung up, and all of us hit the floor. The look on my manager’s face was priceless. You could tell she was torn between “I can’t believe you just said that!” and “That was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!” After James explained what the guy was calling about, we came up with a new phrase to handle phone calls like that.

“I’ve just had a brain aneurysm. Please hold the line for the next available bookseller.”

Dragons in the Mist

For those of you who don’t know or are new to the blog (hi Kendra!), for the last year or so, I’ve been doing book clubs for kids at the local library. Last night was my 10 year olds, and we were doing Eragon. The week before, I had planned that the craft we would do would be making clay dragons. Fun, right? Yeah, until I remembered that the book we’re doing in June is about a woman who makes clay dragons. See my problem? Of course, I also had to remember this at 8 pm Wed. night, when my book club was less than 22 hours away. Fortunately, while browsing the aisles of the craft store, inspiration struck. I would make a board game! A lovely, beautiful, exciting board game! And the game pieces! They would be dragons! Fun!! Happily, I grabbed the few supplies I needed (sans the dragon game pieces) and headed home.

Honestly, I made an incredible game. I drew the Alagaesia map from the back of the book onto the foam board. The rules of the game are simple. The kids had to follow Eragon’s path through Alagaesia and get him safetly to the elves. It only took me about an hour to assemble. Life was good. I could get the dragon pieces tomorrow.

Yet this was my downfall. Sigh. Did you know that like their real life counterparts, little plastic dragons don’t actually exist? Dinosaurs, yes. Dragons, not so much. Here’s the list of stores (in order) I frantically searched: Party City, Toys R Us, Wal-mart, Target, Parkside Dollar, Dollar General, Spencers, Dollar Tree, and Kaybee Toys. By this point, I was ready to either have a nervous breakdown or cry. Nobody sells little piddly plastic dragons! Nobody! Oh sure, I found dragons. The problem was that all of them were way too big for my game board. These dragons were as big as Alagaesia itself! At this point, I gave up. I had to go home because I only had about an hour before book club. In my defeat, I decided that Sorry pieces would have to do.

I drove to the library comforted by the fact that my 10 year olds are really good sports. They’re usually up for anything. However, when I got there, I went to the back room to search for markers. I reached into a box, and what did I pull out?

Piddly.

Plastic.

Dragons.

Oh my god.

I didn’t know whether to break into gleeful hysterics or just pass out cold on the floor. The irony of the situation was just a bit too much. I stood there for a full five minutes just blinking at the dragons in my hand, trying to decide if they were real or not. Finally, I decided that if I was hallucinating these dragons, perhaps I could convince the kids to hallucinate with me.

In the end, the dragons were perfect. They fit the board perfectly. There were just enough so that each kid got a unique dragon. Oh, and they LOVED the game. Loved it. Not only did they play 3 rounds last night, they asked me to bring the game back every book club, which I thought made up for all of the wasted time and gas. Almost…